What you've all been waiting for...

Texasisms. Believe it or not, ha! actually Dallas is home to a really large, taj mahal shaped Ripley's Believe it of Not, but that's not what I am after, so stop distracting me. Believe it or not, Texans say some great things.

Sure, they use ya'll in place of the collective plural "you" or "you all," but there are much more subtle idiums which I have begun to appreciate and *gasp, adopt, by default, as if my hard drive is being reset, word by word, sllyable by painfully slowly spoken syllable--I am being converted.

My favorite Texasism so far is, "bless your heart." Now, you have to understand, this phrase is used in multiple contexts and the meaning must be derived from the context. A Texan might say, "Oh well, just bless your heart!" to their loved one upon receiving a gift, and then within the same breath use it to cushion the blow of an awkward situation, like telling someone their baby has an unfortunately misshapen head, "bless his heart!"

I love this phrase. I use it liberally and usually sub-consciously, unless you've seen the disappointing new release "Fools Gold," and then I do it unconsciously.

I've also be spending a lot of time with my co-worker Raquel, who, bless her heart, has been driving me all over Dallas County, introducing me to the community college advisors I'll be working with once she hands over her territory to me in September. Raquel has an alter ego who another co-worker, Andi, has dubbed "Rae Rae." Rae Rae is a 60 year old black man who makes anxious, warning statements like, "oh no, I's gonna hafta tell this boy to stop callin me." At which point all the office yells out, "Rae Rae!"
I was shadowing a counselor appointment with Raquel last week. She and I were speaking with a young man who just exited the army and was considering taking a civilian contactor position overseas because, as he explained, "I want to travel a bit while I'm not tied down and still single." To which, Rae Rae replied, "okay, just don't go sowin' no wild oats," and then Raquel was once again in the room, explaining his options to defer enrollment for up to three semesters...ah, priceless.

Texans also have brazenly blunt bumper stickers. In fact, Texans are so polite, that I think the only outlet they have to loose their true opinions is on the chrome bumpers of their Ford F-150s and Dodge Rams. My favorite is "I'm from Texas, what country are you from?"

Oh, and Travis, the liberals live IN the closet here. I've seen no democratic bumper stickers, aside from a few plastered on ultra fuel efficient hatchbacks in the UTA parking lot. I'm convinced that they actually bike to work for fear of driving their cars, and just use their parking space as a personal billboard.

If I was joking, it wouldn't be funny.